SIBIR U LIDLU

 

Ovih vrućih dana, jedino što nastojim izbjeći je LIDL. Ne znam o kavom se pravilu radi, valjda njihovom internom, ali su se, koliko vidim, odnosno osjetim, specijalizirali za temperaturni šok. Ajde dobro. Kad iz klimatizirnog automobila uđeš u neki od centara LIDLA,  još ćeš preživjeti ali ako poput mene „trampaš“ pješice na temperaturi na suncu od 35 i više stupnjeva i uz vlagu od 75 posto, i sav znojan uđeš u LIDL gdje je temperatura ne više od 14 stupnjeva, definitivno si najebo. Mislio sam o tome napisati post ali sam upravo sada vidio, kako o tome piše Krule. A piše po običaju - odlično.

Izgleda da je djelatnik LIDL-a, na Zametu u Rijeci, zadužen za klimatizaciju iste umro, pa se nako mrtav preklopio preko sklopke za hlađenje… pa je zato u Lidlari -48 stupnjeva.
Mila te majka jebala ako su oni normalni! Prekjučer prilazim Lidlari i gledam kroz staklo gdje se 2 pingvina jebu kod košara. Reko to je valjda normalno… netko drzi prasce… netko kokoši… eto oni drže pingvine. Onda sam ušao unutra. Kad sa +34 uđeš na -48, prvo čuješ sam sebe gdje kratkim dahom izgovaraš “A majku ti jebem!”. To nije trgovina, to je hladnjača. Piše im gore “Dnevno svježi kruh”. Otvorio ja ona staklena vrata, navuka na ruke onu ginekološku rukavicu… stavljam neka peciva u škanicl… pipam ih… ledena ko da ih je u grobu peklo. Dok sam doša do paradajza, već sam ima ozebline 2. stupnja. Gledam onaj paradaj, vele “Svjež!”… pa majku ti jebem, i mamut je svjež kad ga izvuku zamrznutog iz ledenjaka da ne bi bio paradajz na -48. Trpam taj paradajz, osjetim gdje mi živci na rukama odumiru. Onda sam doša do vrhnja. Kud je samo po sebi -48 u trgovini, tud kod vrhnja još dodatno rade frižideri. Tamo sam našao jedno 20tak ukočenih penzionera, ko partizana na Matić poljani… svi poredani sa rukama ispruženim prema mlječnim proizvodima, al svi mrtvi ladni. Odeš do onih sladoleda koji su po 4 kune, moš si jebat mater, nemoš do ni jednog sladoleda, tamo sjedi ljut Jeti od 3 metra… u tangama… i ždere sladolede. Kod guz papira čojk leži sklupčan, na troslojni piše oporuku “Kćeri moje i sinovi, ćaća vam se smrzo 6 metara od kase, kod tariguza. Škodu favorit ostavljam…”. Odeš na smrznuto povrće, tamo nađeš ukočenog kapetana Titanica kako rukom prebire po grašku. Na kasi ti blagajnica fenom prolazi po desnoj ruci nebil se ista odmrzla pa se primio za džep i platio. Na izlazu tim iz hitne brenerom prelazi po svakom nebil te cijelog otkravilo ka pile iz dubokog.
Nije to Lidl krutejebo… to je Sibir…

Da još dodam, da ni u Gavranoviću ni niš bolje. Samo kaj  snig ne pada.

12. 8. 2018.

Bloger Krule

 

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